Picking up a girl in a large mixed set is one of the more difficult things you can attempt. I completely understand why a guy would be nervous when approaching a big, mixed group and trying to pick up a hot girl. The first time I tried that, I was terrified. But I quickly learned that mixed groups don’t have to be as alarming as they seem and that they can actually be an advantage if you play your cards right.
With that in mind, here are my biggest tips for how to master mixed-group approaches:
BECOME THE HOST
As soon as you walk into a bar, start talking to someone, anyone. Not only will it get you moving but people will notice you and be curious about you. It will make speaking to women much easier afterward.
Introduce people to each other. Be the host and get people talking to each other. Do this without any ulterior motive to pick up a woman – just do it to be sociable and to be generous. People, both men and women, will appreciate this and reciprocate.
Unless you are getting very definite signals, close your interactions with women by proposing some social reasons to stay in touch instead of for dating purposes. If you tell her you are planning to host this big party and would like to invite her, she will be more comfortable to give you her number than if you ask for it because you want to take her on a date.
From there you can start communicating with her and if you do it without the pressure of your wanting to date her hanging in the air, you will come across as a normal, good guy and she will most likely be more interested than if you hit on her. Let her do some of the work in converting this relationship to a personal one.
APPROACH AT THE RIGHT MOMENT
Big groups are going to break up. If you are approaching a girl in a mixed group of 5 people, you want to make sure you approach close enough to the girl you want to talk to. That way no matter how the group breaks up, you’ll be close enough to hit on her.
Don’t feel the need to entertain the whole group either. Remember that your goal is to get into a one-on-one conversation with the girl you’re attracted to, not entertain the group.
UNDERSTAND THE GROUP
Ask “How do you guys know each other?” This is vital. First it lets you know if any of the guys is romantically involved with the girl you’re interested in. Secondly it’s an easy way to plan your next move.
Generally there will be one of three types of relationships:
i) They will be dating, in which case you can use the group for social proof for a while before moving on.
ii) They will be friends/acquaintances/work together, in this case, you are free to hit on the girl and as soon as the rest of the group is disarmed you want to try to isolate the girl you like. Her acquaintances are not actively going out of their way to cockblock you.
iii) They will have just met, in this case, you want to slowly start to ignore the guys in a friendly non-confrontational, or rude way, and eventually within 5 minutes or so isolate the girl away from the guys.
Odds are the guys with her are friends, coworkers, or guys stuck in the friend zone. If you come in confident you have a very good chance.
Always pay attention to the guy or to the alpha females in the group first. You are a stranger, an outsider to their group. If you don’t respect the authority of the person who is “in charge” when you approach, they can easily and justifiably cockblock you or tell you to back off for being an intruder. But when you respect the dominant person and gain their respect in turn, not only do you earn your place in the group, you earn the respect of the people watching…including your target.
Slowly wean your attention away from the dominant person once you’ve earned your place and start paying more attention to your target. If you don’t give enough attention to your target, she will never know you’re interested and might treat you as just another friend of the group. You do not want to become “one of the girls.” You also don’t want to immediately cut the alpha dog off in favor of your target.
ISOLATE THE GIRL
Once you have your target’s complete and undivided attention, isolate her. This could be as simple as lightly turning her away from the group under the guise of directing her attention elsewhere or as bold as grabbing her hand and pulling her away, but either way, your best chances for pulling a girl are when she is away from the judgment of her friends.
You want to get the girl isolated as quickly as you can because while you can get attraction and intrigue in a group, the real pick up is done one on one where you can qualify, build compliance and get sexual. So you want to isolate quickly by whatever means necessary.
You can isolate by buying girls drinks, saying it’s too loud over here, grabbing the girls hand and leading, and more. The key is to go for it, the how is less important as long as you have a reason.
Once isolated and qualified, you want to find out her logistics. How did she get to the bar or club? You can ask “Did you guys meet here or all get together to pre-party?” At this point, she’s going to tell you whether she drove herself (the best option), came with friends she can leave (2nd best), or is the driver for her friends (worst). Now you know whether or not your goal should be a lay tonight or just getting her number.
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