Cheating in relationships is rampant. We can assume most partners will cheat at some point in a committed relationship. An estimated 50% of married partners cheat on their spouses. Why? I’m going to answer that question a number of ways, and then teach you how to guard against it happening.
Why Cheating Wives Stray
First, let’s see the causes of why wives cheat. The bottom line is usually that they aren’t getting something out of their marriage that they expect and desire. That doesn’t mean it’s all the husband’s fault as it can easily come from a breakdown in communication from both parties. Some of the top reasons women cheat:
- The husband doesn’t pay enough attention to the wife, making her feel disrespected, neglected, and unloved.
- Putting off having children means more time, more opportunities, and more freedom.
- One or both partners work too much to maintain a strong connection.
- The desire for more passion; sex within the marriage has become stale.
- Less dependence on the husband due to having a higher salary.
- More opportunities than ever before thanks to the Internet, hectic work schedules that often include company trips.
- Getting married too early and thinking it was a mistake, wondering what else is out there.
If you suspect your wife is dissatisfied and may be looking elsewhere for affection, and you wish to save your marriage, there are some things you can do. All marriages take work, compromise, and communication, so there are no instant fixes. However, there are ways to improve your union.
Don’t put your partnership on cruise control and expect it to last
How are you going to keep up with your partner’s changing thoughts, preferences, ideas, and desires? How do they keep up with yours? Read books together, attend seminars, or find a good online relationship education program to keep your partnership on the cutting edge of moving forward so you are continually discovering one another.
Communicate your frustrations as well as your words of support and appreciation. If you think something may be bothering your wife but you have no idea what it is, don’t just sweep it under the rug and wait for it to pass. It may come up again and again in her mind and never get resolved. Ask what’s wrong. You may be surprised by how such a simple gesture helps get the lines of communication open again, even if the trouble has nothing to do with you. It shows that you’re willing to work on the relationship and that you care about her.
The best defense against cheating is a great relationship
When our needs are met physically and emotionally, we don’t have as much interest to look elsewhere. Examine how well you meet your wife’s wants and needs, and how well she meets yours. Make sure to step it up in areas that are weak, and to communicate honestly about what you need to feel fulfilled and fully happy.
Don’t focus on communication only when there is a problem or a perceived problem. Talk to your wife about what happened during your day. Share stories to create intimacy within the relationship. Spend time together doing the things you both like to do, even if it’s something as mundane as just sharing a cup of coffee in the mornings. These moments are what create a solid foundation in a relationship.
Make sure that you hold your relationship above all other areas in your life. Make it the most important thing and let her know how much you appreciate her and everything she does for you, whether it’s staying home with the kids during the day and cooking a great meal for you at night, working long hours to make ends meet, or just that she anticipates your needs so well. Compliment her. Keep your sex life active. Talk about your future together and come up with shared goals. Work toward those goals as well as offering support for her personal goals. If she feels that you’re cheering her on in everything that she does, she’s less likely to look elsewhere for a support team and become one of the cheating wives.
Set Firm Boundaries
Decide what you both feel comfortable with as far as members of the opposite sex are concerned. For example, if a business trip results in a night out dancing, should your wife participate? Talk to her about the information she shares with co-workers or friends who could later provide temptation. Suggest the level to which a person who could cause her to stray should ever play the role of confidante.
Agreements should be clear and cover how to handle others’ advances, what information is shared, and how quickly you tell each other about romantic or flirty experiences. There should be a conversation on what constitutes cheating, because initially, your wife may not be on the same page. For example, one wife may think it’s fine to go out dancing with her friends, flirt with folks, and maybe even have some ‘innocent’ kisses on the dance floor, while you may consider that behavior out of bounds. Wives can have very different ideas on what constitutes an emotional affair, and if it qualifies as cheating.
Understand your Wife
Your partner has all kinds of secret thoughts and feelings she probably doesn’t tell you, or possibly anyone. You need to be safe enough for your wife to talk to you about her thoughts. Encourage honesty with a lot of compassion and no judgment. Find out the few things about your wife that no one else knows. Use that information to ‘be on the inside’ every day in terms of her experiences in the relationship, at work, and with herself. Know things her mom or friends don’t even know. This knowledge makes you valuable in a way few others can replicate.
Don’t Be Jealous, Be Better
If you suspect your wife’s attention may be drifting elsewhere, it may push her further away to become angry and critical with her. Jealousy is natural, but try to focus on wooing your wife even more with your talents and capabilities. Give her more of a reason to love and value you. Being upset with her may frighten her temporarily into being more careful, but it’s not an effective long-term strategy, and often doesn’t work in the short term either. You can’t keep a wife around reliably or happily using threats and fear. Only the positive reasons for being together hold up as glue that will protect you from others getting in on the action.
Justify Your Existence
You have to be the go-to person. Anything you don’t provide in terms of emotional, intellectual, and physical needs, your wife will look to others for. And she should. In other words, we all seek to meet our needs, and if our partner isn’t there in certain ways, we find others. Those others sometimes form the basis for an affair, or an emotional bond that replaces our partner, or takes energy away from the partnership that it really needs to grow and adapt. Think of being a partner as applying for a job every day. Why should your wife keep you around and not fire you? What do you do that someone else cannot easily do instead? You have to be so good that others can’t really compete. This is, more than anything, the secret to preventing separations and break-ups, and it works much better than fear and guilt.
Affairs and cheating are primarily an issue with the strength and satisfaction of our current relationship, so it’s always best to look there first before blaming others or circumstances. But in second place as a contributing culprit is opportunity. Affairs and cheating are often a function of opportunity. Traveling with a co-worker, being at a party late without your partner, spending lots of time alone, drinking too much, or having independent social circles and activities can create opportunities. So what to do? Pay extra attention to these types of situations. Try to do things together, so others don’t have as much access. Stay in touch during the day, and text if one of you is out late at night. Check-in while traveling, and send loving care packages with your traveling wife so she feels connected to you. If others begin to text or call your wife too much, it’s fair to ask that some of that energy be directed back into the primary relationship.
Talk frequently and openly about sex, fantasies and desires
Try new things in the bedroom. Do things that are a little embarrassing, but still within your comfort zone. New, exciting activities, especially in the area of emotional and physical intimacy, keep your interest kindled and help you bond.
The best protection against cheating and affairs is ensuring your relationship is too awesome to mess with. Being attractive to your wife every day works better than fear, guilt, or threats in maintaining the security of your commitment. Keeping things fresh in your friendship and love life additionally stimulate the brain in ways that maintain attention within the primary partnership.
And if you suspect your wife may be looking elsewhere for an erotic shot in the arm or a deeper emotional friendship than what you typically provide, take steps to up your game rather than threaten to leave or become too critical.
Why Not Cheat?
We are not wired for monogamy. Biologically, there are many imperatives to cheating, beginning with the added immune system and cell protections that come from mixing the gene pool. So why stay true? Well, there have to be excellent reasons for staying committed. What could those be? After all, the physical lust center of the brain really thrives on novelty, strangers, and the exotic. Left to its own devices, that part of the brain may act on desires with others besides our partner. Think of the benefits of commitment: A partner who knows you better than anyone else; someone you have shared history and life memories with; someone you can rely on; someone who, when our beauty fades, our youthfulness is gone, and our health and sex drive diminish, still wants to be our companion and share life together; someone to grow old with. You and your wife need to remind yourselves of the reasons for commitment so the animal part of your brain doesn’t run unchecked.
In many cases, cheating wives don’t cheat for the sake of cheating. They cheat because they feel that they aren’t getting something from their marriage, whether it be passion, support, appreciation, intimacy, sex, or something else. Because there are more opportunities, both parties’ schedules are stretched thinner and more jam-packed with events that don’t include each other, there are more cheating wives out there than before. Cheating wives are usually a result of a breakdown in communication or lack of intimacy that provides a strong foundation within a relationship. It is not up to the spouse alone to keep her happy, of course, but both parties need to put forth an effort to keep a marriage affair-free.
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