In this post, I share my top secrets to meet women. They are not really secrets, but common sense. And they are very easy to implement. They are so simple that anyone can use them.
Where to meet women other than bars and clubs
It’s 2020, the pandemic has limited our access to bars and clubs. We are not able to meet women at loud, crowded bars. Anyway, bars and clubs were never the best places to meet them. There are so many different things that can go wrong. If it’s too packed, you could lose a half-hour just waiting to buy a drink; too empty and you won’t be able to meet anyone new. Not exactly the best setting for getting to know someone, let alone landing yourself a serious, long-term relationship. So, where are the places to meet your next potential partner? Yes, there are!
You can meet women by doing volunteer work. There are usually more women than men volunteering. This gives you a good and relaxed environment when you can meet to women and actually talk to them without looking like a guy desperate to pick up ladies.
Another great place is at cooking classes. Although it is not my number one option. Thai and Philippines dating sites & apps are still my number one option. But of course, this only works if you are actually planning to visit those countries.
And another good option is in shopping malls.
How to approach a woman at a shopping mall
Approaching a woman in a public space can be precarious. To ensure things go as smoothly as possible, consider the following before you make an introduction.
Survey the environment. It’s simple. If she’s busy chatting with friends or with work, don’t interrupt, she’s clearly not in the mood to be giving out numbers.
Catch her eye and smile. A good way to test if she’s comfortable or interested in being approached is to establish eye contact and smile, only for a brief moment. Is she returning the smile? Is it authentic?
Read her body language. After you’ve made your presence known through eye contact, has her body language changed? Some signs she’s interested in taking things further is a continued smile and her body turns in your direction. Hair-touching has also been known to indicate flirtatious behavior.
Approach confidently. Never approach a woman from behind – it’s cowardly and makes a woman feel unsafe. Walk with your shoulders squared and with a natural smile on your face. It’s very important making women feel comfortable in what can easily become an uncomfortable situation.
Don’t be so serious. She doesn’t know you, so don’t get too close. Keep at least a meter apart and keep your body relaxed (don’t cross your arms or stand with your hands on your hips). Your mission when chatting is to put her at ease, so make her laugh. You don’t need to be a comedian here, but be perceptive and make a joke or comment when appropriate.
Listen. Nobody likes a one-sided conversation, so invest in this conversation fully. Don’t look at your phone or around the room. Actively listen, affirm what she’s saying, and leave a bit of mystery about yourself. Make her feel special.
How to meet girls without creeping them out
There’s nothing evil about chatting up a girl in public — and asking her on a date. But the how and why part is very important to avoid creping her out. So as I mentioned above, relax.
You can ask her out at a coffee shop, a store, or even in the middle of the street. But keep in mind, absolutely nothing you say or do can make her like you if she’s not interested. The entire point of conversation is gauging her level of interest up front, and building rapport.
You should first make eye contact. Glance her way a few times. If she is attracted to you, she’ll notice you and return your looks. Smile at her. Smiling will hold her eyes a few seconds longer. Establish mutual gaze, a brief moment when you’re both looking at each other.
Start walking over to approach her. If things are going well, she’ll glance away briefly and then reestablish eye contact. Stop at conversation distance and say hi. Introduce yourself. Ask her if you can sit down, and how she’s doing. Shut up and give her a chance to reciprocate.
This works, and not because it’s some pick-up artist gimmick. This is human behavior and courtship, evolved over millennia. It’s the best and only way to establish relations with a stranger. When you follow these steps, you’re being honest and sincere. You’re not trying to game her. And you’re giving her a chance to shut down the encounter at any point. She will feel respected, and safe.
If she doesn’t return your glances, she’s not interested. If she doesn’t smile, she’s not interested. If she doesn’t look up from her phone, she’s preoccupied and not interested. And that’s fine. Not every woman has to dig you. If a girl isn’t into you, it means absolutely nothing by itself.
When it’s okay to talk to a girl
You don’t need a complex algorithm to decide when it’s okay to chat up a girl in public. Just pay attention. Does she look busy? Is she wearing earbuds? Is she in the middle of a serious conversation? If so, then you probably shouldn’t talk to her. What I do is I just walk up and hand her my phone number or business card, then excuse myself. I say, “You look busy, but I’d like to take you out to dinner sometime.” Walk off.
You don’t need a brilliant introduction
A lot of guys have gotten their heads twisted inside out by 21st-century pickup artists and predatory dating coaches, who want you to act like some suave stereotype of an alpha male. They’ll tell you to practice your opener. Don’t. A girl takes one look and decides if she’s interested. Trying too hard can ruin it.
If she likes you, then you can say literally anything. Hey, what are you listening to? What are you reading? I’m curious about what drink you ordered. Do you know what time it is?
Keep it under 5 minutes
The whole point of talking to a girl in public is to ask her out, so get to the point. Don’t waste her time, or yours. Taking too long sends three messages. You’re not confident. You have nothing else going on in your life. You think she doesn’t, either. This isn’t a strategy. It is common sense that disappears when you get nervous around someone you find attractive.
Watch for avoidance signals
If she’s not into you, she will look away from you, cross or fold her arms, put an object in front of her, purse her lips or clench her jaw, keep checking her phone, etc. Girls don’t keep staring at their devices because they’re dumb or oblivious. They’re doing this on purpose, to subtly suggest they want you to go away. They just don’t want to risk their safety by saying something that sounds too confident or self-aware.
You don’t have to ask for her phone number
Asking to exchange numbers could put her on the spot. Lots of women do this just to avoid awkward moments. It doesn’t always mean she’s interested. Instead, give her your phone number. That shows confidence and respect at the same time. She will call you if she is interested in you.
Your intentions matter
Strike up a conversation if you actually want to get to know her. Most single women don’t mind meeting someone new if they show respect and true interest. Talk to a girl if she looks relaxed, you actually want to date her — not just bang her, you’re willing to walk away if she ignores you.
The real goal of talking to a girl
Confident, mature men and women talk to each other in public places because they want to explore a possible connection. They’re tired of spending all their time in bars or swiping on Tinder. When they meet someone new, they don’t expect every single person they meet to flirt back and hand over their phone number. It really is that simple. You don’t need a dozen dating coaches telling you what to do. You just need to relax and be patient.
How to meet women without really trying
Actually, the best way to meet women is by talking to them. You don’t need to make a huge effort or feel nervous about meeting girls. Just talk to them and it will just happen.
You should pursue your goals and don’t focus on women. Focus on yourself. On your goals, your look, your health. Do things you enjoy. Be a happy guy. The opportunity will knock. And you will be able to answer the door. You don’t need pick up skills to meet girls; you need goals that have absolutely nothing to do with girls. Attracting worthwhile women into your life happens only when you throw the entire force of your existence into creating a life that matters.
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