Many Thai bar girls are genuinely nice. Of course, I have also met the bad ones, but I have met so many polite, courteous, thoughtful, kind, generous ones. There have been few really outrageous ones, the kind that contributes to the stereotypes that “all bar girls” are scammers and cold-hearted women. Yet, foreigners frequently meet and marry bar girls. I assure you, that you only read the bad stories because people only write those stories when they are angry. Happily married guys usually don’t write about their successes.
There is a saying in Southeast Asia, “you can take the girl out of the bar, but you can’t take the bar out of the girl”. That may be true but the secret is not to try to take the girl out of the bar. You can go with her together to bars, nightclubs, shows, etc. You should not try to force things.
If you like a Thai bar girl, you need to understand three things.
First, she is Thai and you cannot try to change her culture to your culture. You liked her in the first place because she is sexy, fun, outgoing, and Thai.
The second one, is also that she is Thai. If you want her out of the bar, you need to be with her 24×7 during the first couple of months. You need to either take her to your country or you need to stay in Thailand for at least 2 months so you two can bond with each other. After that, she will be faithful to you. if you only stay with her for a week or 2 during your holidays, what do you expect? Take her to your country if you are serious. It is not so hard to get a visa for her.
And the third one, it is also, you must never forget she is Thai. If you are serious, you will need to take care of her family too. The main reason Thai bar girls are bar girls is that they need to take care of their family back in poor Isan. This doesn’t mean that you need to buy land, a house, and a car fo her mother and father. It only means throwing a few thousand bahts so she has peace of mind. 10,000 baht (300 USD) is more than enough at the beginning. You can later, after 6 months, reduce it to 5,000 baht if you want. But 300 USD is probably what you spent in a couple of nights partying in Pattaya or Phuket. Not a big deal.
There are many success stories despite the odds against it. And when things fail, men blame the Thai girl. “She is a cheater, she went back to work at the bar, she is a liar.”
Let’s examine those sentences.
SHE IS A CHEATER
You didn’t follow rule two above. You probably met her in a bar, you spent a couple of romantic weeks with her, and then you left for the airport. What do you expect? Stay with her for at least 2 months in Thailand, apply for a tourist visa for her to visit your country (it is easy if you sponsor her), and then fly to your country with her.
SHE WENT BACK TO WORK AT THE BAR
You didn’t follow rule number 3 above. You need to provide some money for her family, even if it is not enough to cover all of their expenses. Her family will need to adapt and cut expenses. Some bar girls can earn over 60,000 baht per month. And some even 90,000. You are only throwing some peanuts compared to what she used to earn. She is accepting this only because she genuinely cares about you. She cannot leave the family starving and she cannot lose face. Everyone back home expects she found a rich farang to marry. If you don’t give her any money then forget it. She will consider you are not serious enough. If she asks you, “can you take care of my family?”, just say YES and give her 300 USD per month. IMPORTANT: RULE NUMBER 3 ONLY WORKS IF YOU FOLLOW RULE NUMBER TWO. If you leave her alone, she will go back to the bar to earn the rest of the money, or because she feels bored and wants to go party with her lady friends – and of course she will get drunk and forget about everything.
SHE IS A LIAR
This is the result of not following rules number one, two, and three, or not following any of them. Remember the Thai culture. If she did something wrong, she doesn’t want to lose face with you. That means she cares about you.
USE COMMON SENSE
Use common sense with dating a Thai bar girl and protect yourself. Never risk any more than you are prepared to lose — not only financially, but emotionally.
There are many bar girls who deserve our respect and admiration. They have made a difficult choice because they have a family to support and they work out of love for their children. But there are those who love their work and are happy to take an old farang for a “ride”.
It is very important that you ignore all previous advice you read on the internet about dating bar girls. If you start with negativity, not trusting her, and jealously, the relationship is doomed from the beginning. Do not set up any expectations. If you have expectations, she will disappoint you. If you have none, she will constantly surprise you.
Understand her background and education level. You probably have never been as poor as she has and you can never really understand how that affects someone. Understand that due to everything she has been through, her mind has been affected in a very bad way. If you dump her, your life won’t change that much. Hers will change utterly.
CAN A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A THAI BAR GIRL AND A FARANG WORK?
Yes, of course it can work. It is up to you to make it work.
If you want her to love you for more than just your money, you have to be able to offer more than just money. But also understand that she probably will never love you as much as her parents and that she will always choose them over you if made to decide.
Thai bar girls are very jealous. When you are away back in your country you will be jealous. But she is also in Thailand as jealous as you, and maybe a lot more. Her jealousy may be a nuisance to you, but it is a greater burden to her. Tell her everything you do, every hour. And she will start doing the same after a while.
Can a relationship between a Thai bar girl and a farang work?
Many men have these myths in their heads, that they will send money to their girls and they will stay home. Some send the girl a small fortune every month. The girl may have more than one sponsor. She will juggle them and hope that they never arrive to spend their vacation at the same time as one of the others. This is the reality of many girls in cities such as Pattaya and you must be aware of the consequences. If you are far away, you will be just another sponsor and nothing more. You need to be with her so she will not have time for other guys. Once a Thai bar girl gave me the best advice: “Never leave a Thai bar girl out of your sight for more than 10 minutes.”
Ask yourself this simple question. Why would this gorgeous girl who is half your age, want to spend her life with an aging and overweight man? If you become a sponsor, your relationship is doomed from the start and nothing you can do will change that. She is only interested in your money; basically how much she can drain from your salary each month. The girl you have fallen for has made a living from this routine long before you arrived in sunny Pattaya. She has spent most of her adult life manipulating farangs, taking every penny she can get from them. All she has ever known is how to lie to achieve her goals – so what makes you think you can change all that?
Well, there is a way to change that. It is avoiding it. Do not become a sponsor sending money from the other side of the world. You need to stay with her and show her that you are there for her. That you are the man who will take care of her. The main reason girls will take your money is because they don’t believe you are serious. You are only another tourist who sees 2 weeks every year. You also need to travel with her to Isan and meet her family and friends. Spend a full week at her village. She will feel obligated to keep you because she doesn’t want to lose face with her family and friends. Take her to travel to your country. Show her how doggy her life is in the bar and how much stability you can provide to her. This is the way to make a relationship with a Thai bar girl work. It is all up to you to make it work.
Her brother or a Thai boyfriend?
A sexy Thai girl has thousands of friends and admirers. Even the ones not working in a bar has so many guys after them. She will receive many chat messages from many guys, both Thai and farang. Don’t worry about this one. If you are with her, you are the one fucking her. No one else. And as I explained before, you need to follow rule number 2. Stay with her 24×7. And fuck her every day, several times a day, until she is tired of sex.
She may even have a Thai boyfriend who is happy to see her sleep with others if she is making more money than he can. But sending money to this boyfriend will eventually end as she is with you and you are only giving her 300USD that she needs to send to her family. So don’t worry about this be. After she is continuously living with you and you are the only one fucking her for the last 6 months, any other guy has already found another girl in Pattaya or Phuket.
There are some lovely ladies out there, who are seeking nothing more than to improve their lifestyle, possibly living or marrying a farang partner. But do not count on this. As I mentioned, do not set any expectations. It is better that you act first and almost any girl, good or bad, will be only yours with time. She may not love you at the beginning (almost sure she doesn’t), but after living with her for a long time, she will love you (if you have done your homework).
There are lots of foreigners who are happily married and have been for many years. So it is not all doom and gloom when it comes to bar girls. Even if you have met one of the good ones and you are in a relationship with her, you still have to understand what is important to her. Thai girls are very much money orientated. She has an obligation to send money to her parents and nothing will change that. So expect to have to make that regular monthly donation to support the family. This is Thai life – get used to it. You cannot change the culture, in any country. Don’t fight against culture – you will lose.
She will also be extremely jealous and possessive. Remember you met her in a bar. So letting you out in Pattaya alone, where there are literally thousands of ladies trying to seduce you, is not likely to be acceptable to her. She wants to ensure you are not seeing other ladies and to do that – she has to be at your side whenever possible.
Living with a former bar girl is never easy. You have to accept her past and let it go or it will eat you up and destroy you. Yes, she was a bar girl but if she is now your wife, then let the past go. Think like a Buddhist monk on this: “Don’t worry about the past, because you can’t change it.” And “Don’t worry about the future, because you cannot worry about something that didn’t happen yet, and maybe it will never happen.” If you are jealous all the time, your relationship is unlikely to last. Remember, you wanted a hot and sexy girl by your side. There will always be many guys interested in her. But as long as you follow the 3 rules I mentioned, you have a better chance to succeed. But of course, nothing is guaranteed in life. You need to put the effort.
Let’s hope that you find the girl of your dreams and that she makes you happy.
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